Peter Killigrew. Pirate and Post Office Worker.

Ahoy there folks!
I be Peter Killigrew,

Bosun o' the Buccaneer!

But I wont be killin' you,

So 'ave no qualms or fear.

But I might just well give lashes to ya,

If ye be steppin' out o' line.

I be ever so sorry if I hurt ya,

It's a duty I must do,

Like bein' a bunting tosser,

Or shouting at the crew.

Me Captain's nicknamed 'Calico',

'E be a mighty fine chap!

Though I do think that Anne Bonnie, might

'A given him the clap.

He doesn't go much for girls, no more,

You see – but it's not me place to pry.

He just gives orders to myself, and is

A generally decent gay... um

*Cough* ...I mean guy.

Wait! I ain't yet told you of me pride and joy!

When I ain't a sailin' pirate, I drop all the 'ahoy'.

In me double life, I own a post office. Ya see?

I can be sendin' mail from Peru to Dunhurst,

But if any package be commin' from abroad,

It be 'avin to come through me first.

At home, awaitin', I do have a wife.

She be happily married, but

I be livin' in strife. See, I

Been at sea for ten months now,

Irish coastline an' Smugglin' Silk,

An' I only popped out for 'alf a pint o' milk.

Tha' bein' said! I'm as loyal as a dog -

Any mate who ain't a gent

I consider a bloody great sod!

I do be livin' in Falmouth, I do 'ave to say.

But, to be sure, I do miss my post office,

When I be so damn far away.