The Obligatory Sex Poem

Dependant on your age, it seems

That sex is all the rage, it seems. So,

Show me those desires that kindle

Your fires and then I'll fall into line. If you

Show me yours, then I will show you mine.

Tell me your fetish, I'll indulge you

And tease.

Red wine and dine with chocolate?

A bowl full of keys?

Do you like lettuce with cauliflower cheese?

Perhaps music, incense, handcuffs and role play.

I'll be the land lord and you can refuse to pay.

Why not try fantasy, just for a laugh?

I will play Gandalf and “You Shall Not Pass!”

You don't like orders when I'm lying on my back,

Things like: 'Take it all in, and don't neglect the Sa...'

Refusing to carry out menial tasks,

Refusing to wear nipple clamps,

Or zipped-up gimp masks.

My favourite position is the Lotus flower,

We can start off with candles and finish in a shower.

Yes, yes, I know it sound tame, but it's much more

appealing than safe-words and pain.

Mutual orgasms – now that sounds like fun.

But let's get one thing straight; then I'll be done,

Toys are fine to use, but

Nothing. Goes. Up. My. Bum.